Why the Internet Sucks Part. 1 - Yelp

Yelp.com is a site where you can review businesses with the intention of sharing about why you love or hate a particular business. Anyone could register and it's a free service. This sounds like a novel concept, but in practice it proves to be something else. In theory, it should work, but to quote Homer Simpson: "In theory, Communism works!"

There lies several flaws with this structure. Most people either don't have the tolerance to have a pallet wide enough to love all types of food, like a good food critic, most people are vain, and finally, people are just stupid. Here's a review I found for Asahi Ramen (http://www.yelp.com/biz/asahi-ramen-los-angeles) in Los Angeles:

"I'm sorry but I don't understand why people come here."

Followed by one star ranking. Now, I have no problem with the one star ranking (despite that I love the restaurant). What I have a problem with is the review, or what claims to be a review. A review usually discusses something about the particular store or restaurant, it's products and it's service, be it negative or positive. This doesn't offer anything. It's just some asshole who's complaining and being vague about what he's anger is directly aimed to.

I bring up, my next point. Race superiority. Look at this review for Noodle Planet (http://www.yelp.com/biz/noodle-planet-los-angeles):

"Please don't let yourself believe this is what Chinese, Vietnamese, or Thai food tastes like..."

She goes on to say:

"but i guess if you're a college student confined to westwood area with no way to get to SGV...this is okay...
ehh...
i don't really even want to say that because I don't want to endorse this as real Asian food..."

But what is authentic cooking? If she means her Grandma's house in San Gabriel Valley, then by all means she may be right, but when you're reviewing a chain restaurant like this, it's just stupid. It's common knowledge it's not authentic. If you go to a place like this and believe for one second it's authentic, you're just as stupid as the reviewer. This is just one of several reviews in this style. I've seen countless reviews all exclaiming things along the lines of "I'm [insert ethnicity/race], and I can say this is not authentic!", just with more spelling errors. No one will ever get the cooking exact to what you think is authentic. Restaurants don't cater to your specifics needs. They try to cater a bit to everyone. No restaurant is ever perfect. If you want to take care of your needs, either open your own restaurant or cook at home.

Next, we got hipster douches. Here's a gem for Hyper Game (http://www.yelp.com/biz/hyper-game-los-angeles), a store that specializes in rare, imported video games from Japan:

"I think this is the only import game place near the city. Good selection. But they were out of what I wanted and though they took my number to call me when it is in stock I never heard back. Also, you can just order online."

Wow, not only is she picky, but she's stupid. She complains because she can't find one Japanese game and the only store that carries Japanese games doesn't have it. Having collected video games my entire life, I can say that games that don't have huge budgets tend to go out of print quickly, and if it's obscure, there's even a harder chance of finding it. She never gets a call about it, and complains online. What she needs to understand is that, once again, stores don't cater to specific needs. They try to please to get your money, but little imperfections like this tend to drive people nuts. People need to understand that the world doesn't revolve around them.

Here's a last one, from the place I work at, Videotheque (http://www.yelp.com/biz/videotheque-south-pasadena):

"I found out this was the only place in Los Angeles that actually rented out Larry Clark's "Ken Park" - which was very surprising - as he never found a US distributor for this controversial film. I wound up paying for the membership which included 3 rentals - but I only rented Ken Park (which is a burned DVD copy) and haven't been back to use the other two. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the store - just that I have netflix and it's obviously more convenient - except when it comes to movies like Ken Park where your only other option is to download it.

I really like that they actually had sections sorted by Directors - that's pretty awesome - for a video store."

So he gave this store three stars because the rare film that he knows is out of print, and that we carry, is in fact, a bootleg. Gee! Who saw that one coming? He goes to say there's nothing wrong with the store, yet gives it a mediocre review. I don't care if he gives this place a bad review (unless he said something directly about me), but what I care about is that there are people like him that don't understand how the world works.

What I'm trying to get at is that Yelp was a cesspool of assholes and idiots and helps embody why the internet sucks!

Join me next time when I continue to discuss why the internet sucks, but until then, have a nice day!

The High Art of Comedy and Why I Haven't Been Around.

Any time I suggest a movie like "You Don't Mess With The Zohan" or "Step Brothers" to someone at my job, I get dirty looks. Either they don't take me seriously or they belive they are better than to watch a low-brow comedy. People constantly criticize Adam Sandler, yet he keeps making movies and he keeps making tons of money off of it. Are we secretive about out love of comedies?

Take a good look at the history of cinema, and you'll see comedies are rarely taken to be on par with the drama. In the eighty year history of the Academy Awards, only four films have been (mostly) comedy (not counting light-hearted musicals), but with time, we've seen people foundly remember something like "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" over multiple Academy-Award winner "Titanic". It's movies like "Pee-Wee's" that we want to share with other people and even have the hopes of passing on to the next generation. Let's be serious; who remembers films like "The English Patient"?

But why don't we take comedy seriously? Laughing is as human of an emotion as crying, pain, or anger, and arguably, one of our most enjoyable emotions. We all laugh at different things, be it prat falls, witty comments, puns, or even dick and fart jokes, but people who pride themselves on be intellectual or having better tastes than the average folk will dismiss it as just comedy.

Comedy is just as careful of an art as the drama.



In the above scene, every line is constructed excellently, leading it's way to the next joke. It keeps pushing forward and builds momentum. It's not something easy to do. It takes lots of care, focus, timing, and attention. It's as intricately pieced together as any good drama.

So why do we ignore comedy as a serious art form? I believe people think if something can make them cry, it's a lot more powerful that comedy. When you cry or feel any emotion aside from laughter, you begin to dissect it and think about how it effected you. Comedy hits you more at a gut level. When you see it or hear it, you laugh. You can't really intellectualize it (and when you do, it takes the fun out of it).

I think all we need to do is acknowledge that comedy should be taken as seriously as any other genre. I think the flood of comedy garbage that's constantly released doesn't help the genre, but it's good to understand it and see what good is in it.

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So, I haven't been around here for about two months. I haven't had time to write anything in fact, but now I'm forcing myself to make time. I'll try to increase the number of posts after this and see what I can get the other contributors to do! Thanks!

Also, if you have a MySpace, I've been updating my works blog. You can read it at:

www.myspace.com/videotheque